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FML: March 2012 Edition

March 13, 2012

WE Will Survive!

I heard a saying recently…”If you can survive the end of February and beginning of March, you can survive the rest of the year.” I’m beginning to think that’s true. These past few weeks have been up to no good for me and this is a time of year when people are so burnt-out from making it through the winter (although this winter was a ridiculous mess weather-wise, and less on the cold side of the spectrum than on the warm side) that they just cave in before winter can even end. And these pretty desperate body-image, exercise, food, weight themed FML’s for the March round-up seem to be proof of that…

  • Today, I realized how fat I really am. While going to the bathroom, I leaned to the side to wipe my butt and heard a crack. Not knowing what it was, I continued to wipe. After I finished, I got up to see that I’d cracked the toilet seat in half. FML.
  • Today, I was hanging out at a friend’s house. Her adorable 5 year old sister came up, gave me a hug, and said “You’re fat. When are you going home?”  FML.
  • Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said “Don’t lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming.” I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn’t think I cut myself. FML.
  • Today, I tried exercising. My whole house shook. FML.
  • Today, I actually bullsh***ed myself into spending ages on the toilet so that by the time I finished, it would be too dark outside for me to honor my New Year resolution to get fit by jogging daily. FML.
  • Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batsh** crazy if she sees me eating potato chips.  FML.
  • Today, I woke up sore because I went to the gym yesterday. When I told my boyfriend that my legs were sore, he got worried and asked if he should run to the store to buy a pregnancy test. I’m dating a guy who thinks sore muscles equals pregnancy. FML.
  • Today, while shopping at Wal-Mart, a random guy grabbed my butt. When I turned around to slap him, he shook his head, said “Nice ass, but such an ugly face,” then walked away. I’ve never been told I’m ugly before. FML. [Ed. note: I’m pretty sure this happened here in West Virginia…]

Yeesh. I’m feeling like we need a little Gloria Gaynor to dig us out of these messes! Hope your lives are going better than these people’s…Take it away, Glo!

On a happier note, I promised myself I would publicly celebrate once Hangry reached 20,000 views, and we’re past that now! So, congrats to me. Let’s ignore how long I’ve been writing this blog for, and just celebrate this arbitrary number! Woooohooooo.

Also, WordPress has started daily showing me where my hits are coming from. Here’s an example:

Country Views
United States FlagUnited States 70
United Kingdom FlagUnited Kingdom 7
Canada FlagCanada 5
Singapore FlagSingapore 4
Austria FlagAustria 2
France FlagFrance 2
New Zealand FlagNew Zealand 2
Poland FlagPoland 2
Chile FlagChile 2
Finland FlagFinland 1
Jordan FlagJordan 1

Awesome! There’s been a few more since I copied/pasted that, from Saudi Arabia, Indonesia, Croatia, Norway, Costa Rica, Israeli, El Salavador…and I’m super-impressed. Thanks for visiting this blog, world! And keep it up. Leave comments and let me know your thoughts.

Much love,


(Image courtesy of Zazzle…hilarious)

2 Comments leave one →
  1. March 13, 2012 7:12 pm

    Mazel tov on 20,000 views! I’ll try to remember to check HH in every country I visit this summer 🙂


  1. Humor Inspiration: FML April 2012 Edition « Hangry Hippo

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