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FML Inspiration: February 2012 Edition

February 15, 2012

At the beginning of the year (2012! End of the world!), I posted a series of FML’s that related to food/weight/body image and were hilarious in the most Schadenfreude way possible. I really enjoyed that post, and have decided to make it a monthly experience! If you are suffering from SAD, with this crazy winter/spring weather in February–the month of Groundhogs, my birthday, and Valentine’s Day (ugh)–where even the plants are confused, then this is sure to cheer you right up! FML!


  • Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that’s why fat people shouldn’t be allowed in public. I’m 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML.
  • Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a “very heavy menstrual flow.” My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this.  FML.

 

  • Today, I have to choose between getting a cellphone contract that I need, or a TV that I don’t even want, but which my flatmates insist I contribute towards. The same flatmates who eat all my food. This increased grocery bill has left me unable to afford either the phone or TV. FML. [ed note: This is why I live alone…but I still can’t really afford my groceries. oh well]

 

  • Today, I bought cupcakes from a bakery by my work. I took them home, at which point my mother screamed at me because she’s on a diet. Hours later, I found the whole box empty. Great self-control, Mom. FML.

 

  • Today, I was eating a croissant. After eating half of it and about to take another bite, a spider crawled out of one of the holes of flaky deliciousness and descended down a thread of web to the table, where it scuttled away. There was a whole family of them living in there. FML.  [ed note: This happened to me and was one of the worst days of my life. Damn you, Firehook Bakery!]

 

  • Today, my favorite fish died. To make things better my parents though to take me out to dinner. We ate sushi.  FML.

 

  • Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother “Mommy, is that man pregnant?” FML.

Don’t worry, be happy! Your life is better than these, right? RIGHT?!

(Image courtesy of Eeyum)

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Joe permalink
    February 16, 2012 3:52 pm

    brilliant. just brilliant. gotta love this stuff.

  2. sexy curmudgeon permalink
    February 19, 2012 12:57 am

    I was sure the person eating a croissant going to say that after the spider, he/she kept eating it. Disappointing.

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