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FML Inspiration: 2011 Edition

January 4, 2012

Ahhhh, so clearly I have been absolutely heinous at posting recently. The rush of the holidays, new years, quitting my job, and going on a trip with my family caught up to me and it has been a full week since I’ve written anything here! FML. But really, I took a walk on the beach today and thought about posting, so that should count right?

Speaking of FML, ever since I entered the 21st century a few weeks ago (with my smarterthanI’lleverbephone), I have developed a new regimen where I read a page of FML every morning when I wake up. And let me tell you, it’s the perfect way to start a day. In case you have yet to discover this glorious site (and seriously, how could you not have already? You must live in the hole next to mine), FML is “FMyLife: Share your every day life unfortunate moments and other fail funny stories.” The reason why I love reading it first thing in the morning is because some/most of them are so tragic that it gives me hope that my day at least won’t be that muchof a disaster, relatively.

Schadenfreude: pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others

Simply the best way to start your day.

I’ve discovered some really hilariously tragic FML’s about weight, food, and body image that I wanted to share here on HangryHippo, so here’s a cache of some of my favorites from 2011 (or the last few weeks of 2011, when I started this glorious tradition:

  • Today, I discovered I am the “before picture” in an internet weight loss advert. FML.

 

  • Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend’s birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn’t pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don’t reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML.

 

  • Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I’ve gained 6 pounds. FML.

 

  • Today, I attended my extended family’s Christmas dinner. All throughout, my grandmother kept complaining about how the food tasted like crap, and making sexual remarks such as how “the stuffings were far better in my day, if you know what I mean.” FML.

 

  • Today, I submitted my picture to a rating website. It was rejected because I didn’t clarify which person I was. The picture was of my dog and me. FML.

 

  • Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, “Why do the fat chicks always want me?” FML.

 

  • Today, my boyfriend and I were choosing animals that reminded us of each other. I said he reminded me of a tiger because he is really muscular. He told me I reminded him of a zebra. When I asked him why, he said it was because of my stretchmarks. FML.

 

  • Today, my doctor gave me a physical. After all was done, he told me that I have to lose weight before I can safely start working out. Uh, what? FML.

Amazing and terrible all at the same time, right? Do you have any FML’s you’d like to share? Please do! But remember, I clearly derive much joy out of reading about others painful experiences (although I have had plenty of my own)…I may even make this a regular feature in 2012. Keep your eyes out (for personal disaster and more FML’s)!

(Image courtesy of CityCynic…hilarious)

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