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Media Spot-Lite: Celebrity Smörgåsbord

December 21, 2011

Ryan Reynolds totally had some work done...

This is celebrity week here on HangryHippo, and I’m already kind of burnt out on dealing with all their bullsh*** (I’m trying to autocorrect myself as a smartphone would). In my draft folder of celebrity links, I have endless articles saved about “SO-AND-SO LOSES WEIGHT” “[FILL IN THE BLANK] GAINS WEIGHT” “YOUR FAVORITE OR LEAST FAVORITE ACTRESS LOOKS FAT” and today is just not the day to tackle all of those. So, instead, I’m going to leave that up to you.

Below you will find 8 links to articles concerning celebrities and weight, along with a brief, Hangry description (and I really did wake up this morning hangry…just one of those days where the first thing you think as you open your eyes is “Damn, I need me some Doritos stat”). Should you be intrigued by one of the headlines and choose to click to the article, that’s your businass. And if your reaction is “This is lame, I’m going to the water cooler to talk about last night’s episode of…[I have no idea? I stayed up way too late watching the most terrible Lifetime-esque movie of all time: Say Nothing, starring Billy Baldwin. Please don’t ever do this to yourself],” then so be it. But you can’t say I didn’t try.

Thinification>Oscar : Jennifer Hudson, who has been all the rage in the media since she lost weight, literally says ““I’m prouder of my weight loss than my Oscar!” So, the question is posed “Am I being super buzzkilly if I say that the message I get from this is that success associated with a career is less satisfying than success associated with appearance?”

But where's her Oscar?

“I Just Ate Everything” Cheryl Cole Reveals How She Was Ordered By Doctors To Gain Weight To Save Her Life: She caught malaria and had to put on weight to survive. “The svelte star – who was given just 24 hours to live at one point after contracting malaria last year – had no choice but to obey them to beat the illness.” No choice but to EAT?! I.just.can’t.

Vikings release McKinnie after he showed up to camp too heavy: I know next to nothing about sports, but found this really fascinating. “There’s always a fine line in the NFL between acceptably heavy and too heavy.” Weight can make or break a football career.

“I’m a Great Catch!” The Bachelorette’s Ashley Hebert Puts Cruel Body Taunts Behind Her For Bikini Shoot: Ok, so I’m a little behind the times. And most of my “news” comes from the DailyMail. So sue me! (No, don’t. I have nothing that you’d want) Apparently the Bachlorette was “Tortured for Her Looks” and thus decided to flaunt herself in a bikini on the cover of some magazine. “She was cruelly branded ‘flat chested’ and an ‘ugly duckling’ by her supposed suitors, but Bachelorette star Ashley Hebert is fighting back.” Fight back in that red bikini, girl. Whatever works.

Mariah Carey’s Massive Post-Pregnancy Weight Loss: Apparently, Mariah Carey (who is perhaps one of the most weight-obsessed celebrities out there) claims she lost 70 pounds since giving birth to her twinsies “with a combination of diet and exercise. Beginning in July, Carey adopted a Jenny-certified diet and workout plan, consuming no more than 1,500 calories a day and working out three times a week.” Meet your next celebrity spokeswoman.

Mariah Mariah Mariah

Size 16 Cover Girl Adele Set To Grace The Front of US Vogue’s Esteemed Spring Issue: It’s about time. “The Spring edition is the most important in the Vogue calender and featuring a fuller-figured star marks a courageous move by the fashion magazine. The last time a plus-sized star graced the cover of US Vogue was Jennifer Hudson back in 2007.” J.Hud?! Oh man, don’t tell me Adele is next in the celeb spokesperson realm. I can’t handle that. We need someone like you, Adele!

“It’s Really Hard Finding A Bathing Suit” Christina Hendricks Reveals the Wardrobe Woes of Dressing Her Famous Curves: You and me both, Christina. Except my curves are not famous, unless you count that creepy man who stands on the corner by my bank…
“I Had Meltdowns” Daisy Lowe Says It’s Taken Years To Accept She’ll Never Be “Beanpole” Thin And Embrace Her Curvy Figure: What curvy figure? “She continued: ‘The public can say, “It’s really cool that you’re not conforming to this anorexic ideal”, but then I still have to go and stand next to all of the other girls. ‘I’m not saying that I am big, but when you stand next to a beanpole, you’re going to look like a massive tree trunk. ‘Literally, it’s only in the past six months that I’ve come to terms with it. Before then…it was hard. I used to have private meltdowns all the time.'” Say wwwwwwhhhhhaaaattt? What a hero! Somebody give Daisy Lowe a medal of honor!

What a Role Model

Alright folks, click away! Maybe these links will make the Hump Day go faster…I almost typed “fatter.” It’s on the brain.

(Images courtesy of Freaking NewsNY Daily News, ABC News, and JewelryPoint Blog)

6 Comments leave one →
  1. sexy curmudgeon permalink
    December 24, 2011 4:56 pm

    Hoo OK so let’s start w the ashley Herbert…in fact, for Jennifer Hudson and most of these women, they’re finding pride in being judged on their physical appearance, and their pride just serves to reinforce the system. Then again, unless you’re an ultra feminist who wants to cast off society and join an all -female commune in the woods (not that we wouldn’t BE so lucky), who can really fault you for working to get ahead WITHIN the confines of a messed up system? As for mariah, hoo I feel bad for ANY organization that’s gonna be represented by that hot mess. And finally, daisy Lowe…she may be working within the system, but until we find a better way, she’s also my new personal hero

  2. doesthissnuggiemakemelookfat? permalink
    December 29, 2011 8:48 am

    Daisey Lowe IS bean pole! What is this world that we live in that she would ever think she is large? Oy…

  3. August 16, 2013 11:54 pm

    Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me.
    Anyways, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

  4. August 17, 2013 12:28 am

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