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Absurd Workout of the Weekend: Free Flexor

October 21, 2011

Every single time I think that I cannot possibly be presented with a more grotesque and sexualized piece of exercise equipment, I am proved completely wrong. First there was the ShakeWeight, which we should all know and love by now.  Then there was i-Joyride, where I featured a MALE ESCORTS site that got hearts a-racing.

And now, hopefully never to be outdone, we have Free Flexor, which I honestly think I’ve seen in every gay porn shop I’ve been in in the past 10 years (I do not know how many gay porn shops this is, but it seems like too many…hey, I have a lot of gay friends, ok?! Haterz). The video has also garnered rave reviews for basically doubling as a gay porn. Where do they find these models that are able to not laugh during these ridiculous demonstrations?! These models deserve medals, I’ll tell you.

So, this newest device promises to “LIGHT YOUR FOREARMS ON FIRE” and has “UNLIMITED TORQUE, UNLIMITED TENSION…THAT WILL MAKE YOUR MUSCLES CRY”! Do I want my muscles to cry? I was unaware that this was a necessity in life, but I’m going to start looking into it now. Also, their website is apparently “a commercial website not for use by those under 18 years old.” Did I tell you ESCANDALO!! or what!

And, if you don’t believe that this product will work for you, just listen to what the former Marine in the video had to say:

Once you get that momentum swinging, it starts to go deep. And you can feel it. Feel it burning.


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