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Overweight Women: AskMen

October 14, 2011

What is the first thing that comes up when you google “Overweight Women“? I decided last night, with a monstrous migraine and thus lack of creativity for today’s post (still, dedication!), to find out.

And what did I discover? Well, the first website for “overweight women” is a question and answer session from…AskMen? Hold up. I type in “overweight WOMEN” and the FIRST thing I get is a link to AskMen? Something in the milk ain’t clean, yo.

In our final moments of “Weight and Sexuality” week, there actually could not be a more perfect conclusion. In googling “overweight women,” somehow the first thing I come across is an extremely offensive commentary about…overweight women. By a man. Oh internet…you never cease to amaze me with how degrading and offensive you are.

Firstly, this is a question and answer session with someone who calls himself “Doc Love,” who writes for AskMen and is also featured on brilliant sites such as The Beautiful Russian Women Agency. Oh, and he looks like this:

The Authority On Women and Relationships...and Subject of My Nightmares

So clearly we should take him very seriously. “Doc Love” bills himself as “The Number One Love Doctor On The Internet” (what a mighty title!) and teaches a course on what he calls “The System” which is apparently “a blueprint for finding and keeping the right woman. It’s all about teaching men to act like MEN, and not the idiots we’re made out to be on TV by advice gurus, daytime talk shows, movies, commericals, etc.” Wow. And why do you think men are portrayed as idiots, Doc Love? Could it be because of disgusting slugs like yourself who have to teach them how to “keep” a woman, as you would a pet?

Parts of “The System” include (well, in the FREE preview at least…the full-on course costs $99): “Deciphering Womanese – her secret language” [because, clearly, all females are fluent in a secret code based on our gender]; “What she really wants versus what she says she wants” [because, again clearly, men know what females want better than females know what they want]; and “The one male trait that will make her do anything for you” [because, again and again clearly, what males really want in a woman is for her to become their slave].

But, let’s get to the meat of the matter (mmmm, meat). What oh what does “Doc Love” think about OVERWEIGHT WOMEN that is so important that it is at the very tippy top of the google search? Let’s check out the posed question first, which AskMen decided to entitle “Should You Marry An Overweight Woman?” (because, again and again and again clearly, overweight women–or women of any size, for that matter–desperately want to marry men who take advice from some internet sleaze who calls himself “DocLove”).


Dear Doc Love,

I’ve checked out several of your articles and I must tell you that I am appalled by what I’ve read.

You seem to think that any woman who isn’t anorexic is not worth the time of day. What’s with you? You make fun of Oprah and Rosie O’Donnell for being overweight, and then you praise skinny women with plastic breasts. Did you ever consider that perhaps Rosie and Oprah are the size they are because that’s the way nature madethem? Why should they starve themselves for men’s approval?

here are some facts for you

Many loving, sweet, kind women are overlooked because they don’t fit your rigid standards of beauty. I encourage you to check out the following facts and figures:

  • There are 3 billion women who don’t look like supermodels and only a handful who do.
  • Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14.
  • If Barbie were a real woman, she’d have to walk on all fours due to her exaggerated proportions.
  • The average woman weighs 144 lb. and wears between a size 12 and 14.
  • The models in the magazines are airbrushed — not perfect!
  • A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70% of women readers to feel depressed, guilty and shameful.
  • Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman. Today they weigh 23% less.

And even though I know that you’ll laugh at this, I’m including a little poem for you Doc, as food for thought.

Beauty of a Woman

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears
The figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair
The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes
Because that is the doorway to her heart
The place where love lies
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole
But true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul
—Lucinda — who thinks that you are a total bigot Doc Love
Thanks for that, Lucinda. I’m not completely sure why on earth you’re reading AskMen OR Doc Love, especially because it seems you’re a self-respecting woman, but let’s go with your well thought out question here and now move on to the response of the self-proclaimed “relationship expert.”
Dear Lucinda,The Bible says that gluttony is a sin. But when I watch overweight preachers on TV Sunday morning, they speak only of the other six deadly sins. Why? Because in America, fat is sacred.Here’s the big idea…Yesterday I saw an obese woman using a cane to waddle her way through the supermarket because she couldn’t carry her own weight. With her tree trunk calves and her tiny feet in her tiny shoes, she looked like a 747 sporting Volkswagen tires.Now, Lucinda, I know what you would say about her. You’d say she’s not responsible for her slovenly, self-destructive eating habits. She can’t and need not control how much she eats. She should be able to look however she wants and not be judged on her appearance. And everyone knows that it wouldn’t be politically correct to criticize her.Well, I don’t care how much the various “full figured” gals may glorify their excess poundage. Fat is not beautiful to everyone and, more importantly, it’s not healthy. Overweight people are at risk for diabetes, heart attacks, high blood pressure, and wearing out the living room carpet before its time. Food is meant to be used for fuel, not as a way to escape life’s problems.

take a look at her profile

When a man picks a potential long-term partner, he must first look at her Interest Level [degree of love], as “The System” states. Then through the process of dating, he should evaluate her habits and attitudes. Does she have integrity? Is she a giver or a taker? Is she structured or flexible? Is she self-reliant? Is she a functioning adult? Does she practice self-control or is she run by her emotions? And does she have any unhealthy habits or addictions like, drugs, tobacco or food?

Most importantly, I want men to pick women who are not overweight for partners, so they will raise their kids to be healthy and not have eating disorders. Statistics show that if the parents are overweight, 90% of the time the kids also end up with weight problems.

Let me give it to you straight…

kate moss prototype

Lucinda, please allow me to clear something up. I’ve never said that all women should be model thin. Nature has made both ectomorphs and endomorphs of both genders. And each body type has its corresponding healthy weight range (and unhealthy weight range).

Additionally, different men have different tastes in women. Some men prefer medium sized gals and some get excited about gals who are on the hefty side. America is a free country and to each his own. But the Reality Factor [see reality for what it is while dating and not follow your wants or wishes] says that the majority of men prefer women who are not overweight. Like it or not Lucinda, that’s the way it is on the street, just as women prefer wealthy men to guys who are on welfare.

Lucinda, let’s get real. Be honest. Imagine that you had a friend who was trying to set you up with a handsome, charming fellow who weighed 300 pounds and would crush a camel if he tried to ride one. When you tell your friend (as you surely would) that “he’s just not my type,” would you be any different from a guy who rejects a pretty girl because she’s the same height and weight as Oprah?

here’s a stat for you

By the way, the reason that models now weigh 23% less than the average woman instead of 8% less is because the average woman is now 15% heavier than she was 20 years ago. The models aren’t getting thinner. People are getting fatter! Government statistics report that over 40% of the population is clinically overweight. To you Psych majors: they’re obese.

Now you’ve provided us with another interesting statistic Lucinda. Seven out of ten women get bummed out when they look at fashion magazines. But curiously, women don’t seem to feel depressed, guilty and shameful enough to stop buying those magazines.

So I guess that these unhappy fashion fans are the same women whom you say that all men should accept regardless of their appearance. But I must ask you: how can you legitimately insist that all men accept these women as they are when these very same women apparently can’t even accept themselves as they are???

Now here is a poem for you, Lucinda:

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
If you want your girlfriend to look like Roseanne,
Have her eat like her too.

Remember, guys, only invest in healthy companies and healthy women.

Woooooooooow. I honestly don’t even know where to begin. I am appalled on every single level of this googling experiment to the point where my migraine is returning. But, if this isn’t an example of “shaming” women into following carefully constructed (by men) societal norms, then I don’t know what is. I am so freaking sick of women being viewed as secondary creatures who need to ANSWER to what MEN think of them, and we ourselves are the only ones that can stop it. STOP buying magazines that promote unrealistic ideologies. STOP reading sites like AskMen that only serve to perpetuate stereotypes and unhealthy ideas about men and women. And START believing in yourself, working to make yourself the best that you personally can be, and surrounding yourself with people who care about you, support you, and love you for who you are. As hokey as that sounds, it will completely change the world you live in (not the world at large, but your own personal world) and you will not even risk running into a fool who has taken advice from the utterly appalling “DocLove.” But, I’m completely burnt out and my head is throbbing, so…I’d like a discussion to ensue. Please, dear readers (and I’d almost especially love to hear from males reading this, but of course also from my lovely female followers), begin your brilliant commentary and I will follow suit.
But first, let me direct you to the 3rd article that appears in my google search: Study Shows Overweight Women Have The Most Sex. At first, it seems like a victory, at least compared to the “DocLove” bull. But then you start to ponder: Someone decided to study whether or not overweight women are sexual human beings who engage in sexual behaviour? Really? “This study indicates that all women deserve diligence in counseling on unintended pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease prevention, regardless of body mass index,” Dr. Kaneshiro said. Oh. God. Luckily, Jezebel includes a brilliant quote from fantastic Kate Harding over at Shapely Prose:
The world is not full of Attractive People and Unattractive People. It’s full of people who are attractive to some and not to others. I hear from trolls all the time who complain that they don’t want to be “forced” to find nasty, ugly fat women attractive–which utterly baffles me, since the last thing I want to do is encourage fat-hating dicks to date fat women. You don’t find fat people attractive? Fabulous. Don’t date them. I will find a way to pick myself up and move on without your love. But to assume your lack of sexual interest in fat chicks must be universal–or that the mere existence of self-confident fat people having healthy relationships somehow “forces” you to find fat attractive–is the height of f-ing narcissism.
A thank you to the one person who has made sense in this entire experiment. I need to go wash my eyes out with holy water from all this mess. I look forward to your commentary and expect much of my own to follow.
(Image courtesy of, a website that I do not endorse in any way, shape, or form)
3 Comments leave one →
  1. October 14, 2011 4:48 pm

    That Kate Harding quote just made my life

  2. October 14, 2011 6:41 pm

    On a somewhat unrelated note the supposition that your preferences are universal is reminding me a lot of the anti-Occupy Wall Street comments that are surfacing.

    The common thread in both of these underlying the “I work my ass off to get by and do not ask for a hand out” declarations, is that their mule-like work ethic should be universally accepted, despite you know being physically unable to handle it because of illness or old age or family obligations etc.

    I think apart from the narcissism inherent in this is something else and I would venture to say that I also suspect this when it comes to people’s notions about weight. My suspicion is that this is a defense reaction that I would almost call an auto-immune response. This 53%er and NOT 99%er have deeply internalized the notion that it is their own (or parents) fault that they were disenfranchised and it was only through their work ethic that they were able to rise up out of it. While on the one hand I can understand that this contributes to their sense of agency and control over their own lives as they navigate a hostile environment – they seem to also be fully aware of the daily toil and struggle of it. I would (well I do really given I work full time job and go to graduate school and have student loans and have been known to have gone 6 weeks without a single day off while working 3 jobs simultaneously) cling to the hope that my hard work will be what lifts me out of this misery and the fact that I am floating by is a comforting testament to that. Where I differ however is that I do not go so far as to justify my life and actions in contradistinction to those “lazy whiners.” In a way a lot like the nouveau riche, I see the 53%ers hating on their own kind because it sets them apart, it deludes them into thinking that they are more deserving of having a stable life because they are not like them they have something that makes them different and therefore in this world where so little are afforded access to that kind of life they want they are trying to disguise themselves as the 1% in the hopes that wishing they were will actually make them so.

    So how does this relate to weight you ask!

    When I read about this “luv doc” I read insecurity. When I read about the trolls who don’t want to be forced to have to find nasty, ugly, fat women attractive – I first barf, then I shake my fist in the air and then I realize that they are insecure about being a troll and they want others to view them as so attractive that they have that prerogative (which is a messed up notion in and of itself that is disgustingly perpetrated). The same goes with celebrity gossip and calling people out about their problems with weight – we all want aspire to be better than we are, some people trample on others in order to distinguish themselves as better than them. I think that unfortunately, all that does is perpetuate a delusion. Love thy neighbor as you would thyself – I think that is the better strategy.


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