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Ridiculous Workouts of the Weekend: i-JoyRide

September 30, 2011

Here I was, thinking Shake Weight set the bar for most sexualized piece of work out equipment out there but meanwhile i-JoyRide is smirking in a corner (note: not my corner or the corner of anyone I know, but most likely a seedy street corner somewhere in a bad section of town), silently claiming that prized position!

First of all, even after watching the video in its entirety (which I do not necessarily recommend unless you are a pervy old man at home all by yourself this Friday eve), I still have no idea how it could possibly be considered an exercise machine. Apparently it “works muscles you never even knew existed!” but I just can’t figure out how or why. Also, this machine costs $648.45. I took the liberty of researching MALE ESCORTS (I DO recommend watching that video in its entirety…priceless) as a comparison study, and for a 3 hour session with one of these fine specimens (coughGAGcough) you only need to shell out $150-$300, and that comes with conversation (this could be seen as a positive or a negative, depending on how lonely you are), fine wine (definitely a positive), and the site features some very romantic French muzak!

So, a machine that simulates dry humping or some actual dry humping with men that look like machines? The choice is yours.

(I hope I’m still inscribed in the BOOK OF LIFE after posting this…happy weekend, y’all!)

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. Sexy Curmudgeon permalink
    October 4, 2011 12:44 am

    Wait, really, no one commented? I’d try to pretend I’m “classy” and not commenting on the male escort site, but the fact that the “loverboys” video runs a list of Justin and Britney Spears greatest hits through the background, combined with the set of stills below, and the final image of a man feeding a woman a spoon of yogurt? is one of the most enjoyable things I’ve seen in a while.
    Highlight of the best services: Photo session, wedding companion, and UNLIMITED TEXTING for a month! What we need to ask ourselves after watching this is, “wait, how many of these services do I already provide to other people? Why am I responding to people’s text messages for FREE like a sucker??”

  2. Fedora permalink
    October 4, 2011 2:17 am

    THIS NEEDS MORE ATTENTION!!

    This site cannot be real!! Of course, i am talking about the Male Escort one- which is why I also now need to erase my browser history.

    I feel like it could be comedic genius. They are so serious! Can it be real? It cant be!
    I… It… hmm. Please repost just this website! Everyday. I am stumped.

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