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Absurd Fatshion of the Week: Kymaro Body Shaper

June 27, 2011

I wish I could blame this discovery on late-night TV watching due to insomnia. But no, instead this hot mess came into my life due to a trip to Wal-Mart (ughughughughugh) which leads me to question: which is worse, insomnia or Wal-Mart? Tough call.

This is what I have branded as “Fatshion.” It is fashion that is specifically marketed as a “weight-loss” product or geared towards overweight (mainly) women to help conceal their weight from the public eye.

Essentially, this product “instantly takes off inches” and “smooths out rolls and bulges.” According to their website

The Kymaro® New Body Shaper is the fastest and safest way to take off inches in all the important places where we can’t seem to lose the weight. Plus, these amazing undergarments smooth out the rolls and bulges, giving the simple look of a sleek and slender body.

So, my question is: BUT WHERE DO THE INCHES GO?!

Apparently the “power net material distributes excess weight evenly,” but I am just unclear as to where this distribution occurs. Confession: Recently, I tried on one of those LOSE10POUNDS “Miracle” bathing suits and let me tell you…it was no miracle. First of all, it was basically a girdle that severely hindered my ability to breathe and have my organs function naturally. But mostly, there’s a reason why most of the advertisements feature women who don’t really have excess weight to distribute whatsoever

Um what excess weight?

Um what excess weight?

or women whose thighs are somehow mysteriously covered up

But where are your thighs?!

But where are your thighs?!

because my thighs looked like elephant tree trunks in this suit as any and all weight was pushed down into them.

So, Kymaro…the newest and most improved “Fatshion”?

(Image courtesy of SmartyPanties–Live Luxe, Less Bucks, More Green!–a great site to check out; and SheKnows Beauty and Style, another interesting site!)

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Tammy permalink
    June 28, 2011 5:04 pm

    I hate that the models in “slimming” ads are already borderline anorexic. I’ve never tried the Kymaro Shaper, but I have tried a different shaper top (and I’m sure they’re all the same). Basically, I was in pain all day and couldn’t breathe. The most frustrating thing was how it rolled up everytime I sat down. So when I stood up, I’d go through the “fat-girl tug” where you have to readjust everything to make sure you’re not exposing your biscuit dough roll that the said shaper is supposed to be…shaping. Ah…good times. 🙂

  2. fedora permalink
    August 2, 2011 4:41 am

    You are hillarious. A new subtopic you should do is: things I found at walmart.

    It is actually a fact that the inches go to dubai, where they are used as landfill.

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